Guest opinion: What determines our mental and emotional fitness?

Adobe Stock

At the beginning of each new year, many of us make resolutions to get into better physical shape. But have ever you thought about achieving better fitness for your mind? In fact, feeling healthier relies on emotional well-being as much as it does on physical wellness. For example, if we feel anxious or disheartened, we can’t help feeling physically run-down.

As licensed mental health professionals, it is not unusual for us to see more individuals and couples after the first of the year. They come because they want to live healthier and happier lives.

So, how can we increase our overall fitness?

Kylee (name has been changed) often put herself down and frequently felt anxious. However, she was determined to create a better life in the coming year. When she inquired what she could do, I asked her to tell me about her self-beliefs. She thought this was an unusual question and wanted to know why I asked.

Core beliefs are deeply held convictions that we all have about ourselves. For example, if you ask a person, “Are you competitive?” almost everyone will quickly reply “yes” or “no.” Additionally, we have strong beliefs about competitiveness (or noncompetitiveness) related to our own identity. We all have many such core beliefs. Some are positive (e.g. “I am musical” or “I am coordinated”). Others are negative (e.g. “I am lazy” or “I don’t matter”).

Self-beliefs are central to how we interpret our life experiences. To illustrate, suppose Andy has all of the core beliefs listed above. He is asked to play the piano at a party he is going to in a few days. He might think, “I play the piano pretty well because I am musically talented. But playing for others would require practice and I hate practicing. And if I play poorly, everyone will think I’m lazy and don’t care. It wouldn’t matter anyway. Why should I bother.” Of course, most people don’t think exactly like this. However, we all justify many of decisions based on our core beliefs.

Sandi, my colleague, has observed, “Whenever I see someone for the first time with anxiety, anger or depression, I anticipate that they will soon reveal their negative core beliefs. Because I know what to look for, these beliefs quickly become apparent. They serve as the basis to understand how to approach the person’s concerns.“

Going back to Kylee, she had a number of adverse self-beliefs. She said, “No matter what I do, I never measure up. I feel like I’m such an idiot.” In order to create better emotional and mental health, it was vital to change what she believed about herself.

When she understood this, Kylee resolved that whenever she became aware of a negative core belief, she would counter it with an accurate positive core belief and then do something that would strengthen that belief. Later that day, she went to a store to buy a gallon of milk and a few other items. When she got home, she realized she had forgotten the milk. Immediately she thought, “I’m such an idiot, I can’t even remember what I went to the store for.” Then she stopped herself. “No, that’s not true. I usually do remember. So actually, I am pretty capable.” To prove it, she wrote a reminder to get the milk the next day. This reinforced her positive core belief, “I am capable.”

It surprised Kylee how often she became aware of her negative core beliefs. It took about seven weeks to alter what she believed about herself. Daily, she practiced to:

• Become aware: Identify any negative core belief.
• Create: Devise an alternative, desired positive core belief.
• Act: Take action to strengthen the positive core belief.

When I ran into Kylee a few months later, she told me she felt less anxious and a lot more confident. It took consistent effort for her to change, but it was worth it. Fitness for our minds is directly related to our core beliefs. Like any skill that we want to improve, mental and emotional fitness takes focused attention and daily practice.

Unfortunately, some mental health concerns are more challenging. Many people suffer from depression, anxiety, addictions, explosive anger or other disturbing conditions. In addition, couples often want to know how to overcome problems in their relationships. Future discussions will focus on how we all can achieve greater well-being, resilience and vitality.

Gray Otis is a licensed clinical mental health counselor and consultant (gray_otis@yahoo.com). Sandi Williams is a license marriage and family therapist (sandi@themeadowscounseling.com). They are co-authors of “Key Core Beliefs: Unlocking the HEART of Happiness & Health.”

from Deseret News https://ift.tt/2SUg9u5